New Year's Resolutions (and why we can never remember what they were at the end of the year...)

We are 9 days into the New Year and I have yet to make my New Year’s resolution(s). Every year I say to myself, “This year I am going to make a concrete resolution and commit to it. This is the year that I won’t cheat and will actually do something to somehow better my life.” I don’t know about any of you, but when I make my resolutions on January 1st each year, I never remember what they are come next year’s January 1st.

Making resolutions is like telling yourself that you are going to work as hard as you can (giving 100%) every single day at work for the next year without breaks and without complaining, or like making sure you eat a veggie, fruit, meat, dairy, and starch at every single meal. Of course, both of these things would be nearly impossible to accomplish. No one can give 100% 365 days a year without having a major meltdown, and no one could eat that much of a “balanced” diet at every single meal for a year without going crazy. Resolutions are about making plans, or, more specifically, making a plan for an entire year. People make resolutions (myself included) like, “This year I am going to eat healthier and exercise to lose weight,” or “This year I’m going spend money only on things I need.” What do these mean?? Talk about intimidating goals. Then, when something comes up one day and we can’t make it to the gym, we end up thinking, “Well, there goes my New Year’s Resolution” and stop trying to fulfill it almost altogether.This, though, is how we operate—we are planners and we like to make sure everything is planned out far into the future.

We like that security of knowing what will happen each day/week/month, and we like to know what we will be doing, where we will be, who we will be with. Plans make us feel like we have our lives under control, and so do New Year’s resolutions. But our plans don’t always work, and we don’t always have everything under control. In fact, I would say that 40-50% of my plans don’t end up happening.

The other day, I met with my 2nd grade teacher for coffee and we had a wonderful conversation about life, obstacles, and plans (the ones we make, the ones we don’t, and everything in between). I explained that not having a plan scared me to death. She then said something very important that I had forgotten somewhere along the way. She reminded me that we all make plans, but really, many of them don’t happen. An emergency comes up, or we need to take care of something or someone. Our plans are often interrupted, and just when we think we’ve got everything under control, we realize we don’t. “Our” plans are not actually our's—they are Gods, and when plans don’t work out as we had hoped, chances are there is a reason. My not teaching might have opened a door for someone else, or maybe it will lead me to something I love so much that I won’t ever want to not do it, or maybe I’ll go back to teaching in some form somewhere down the road. My “teacher” (even still) said it much more eloquently than this, but the conversation resonated with me and I will never forget it.

I think the reason why people don’t follow through with or don’t remember their New Year’s resolutions at the end of the year is because people start doing them out of obligation. They eventually end up giving up on their resolutions because they became something they felt like they had to do, rather than something they would like to do better, or something they want to work on for themselves.

So, this year, I am going to make 2 kinds of New Year’s resolutions—superficial (traditional/tangible) and “A Better Me” resolution. My typical/traditional resolution is that I am going to try to get back into masters swimming, keep up yoga, and keep learning to like running. Specifically, my goal is to enter at least 3 swim meets and 3 5K/10K races by the end of the year. My other “Better Me” resolution is something I’m going to do for myself. The first one of these resolutions is to look into going back to school to find out what I really want. I am going to promise myself that I will take at least 1 class. The second one of these resolutions is I will start going to mass every Sunday again. My faith is very important to me, and I have not returned to God the many blessings I have been given.

Yes, I realize that many of my resolutions are things that I can’t fully promise myself I will do and “plan on,” but I am not doing these resolutions because I feel obligated—I am doing them for me and only me. If for some reason I don’t accomplish these resolutions, there will be good reason, I promise you that.This is what I have learned from not having a plan—DON’T FEEL OBLIGATED by anyone, including yourself. Don’t fulfill your New Year’s resolutions because you feel like you have to—if you do, you probably won’t accomplish l them and may not even remember them come January 1st, 2012. Do your resolutions for you and no one else.

Sincerely,The girl who will accept not having a plan for the moment

P.S.I’m a big believer in not having to make your New Year’s resolutions until you go back to work, which I do tomorrow, so if you’ve already forgotten your NY resolution, start over tomorrow:).